It’s really happening.
For years I have wanted to make a movie and I have always found reasons not to. I guess the main reason I never made anything is that I have been scared to fail at it.
A few months ago I started talking to Peter Haskins who runs the Life After Meth program in town. He and I began talking about movies and how I wanted to shoot something. He got the idea of making a short documentary about his work. I said that I thought it sounded interesting. I never thought that anything would come out of it. I figured Peter to be a dreamer like me. Come to find out Pete is more of a realist than I ever imagined.
Several weeks ago Peter contacted me and said that he brought the idea to his board of managers and they loved the idea of making a documentary about the LAM Project. I mildly panicked. He then said that he had to talk to the sheriff and get permission to shoot in the jail. I breathed a sigh of relief. I figured there was no way that the county sheriff was going to let some moron into his jail to film convicts.
A few weeks later Peter contacted me again and said that the sheriff was on board and he wanted to get together and discuss the particulars. I’m sure that my face was white as a ghost. I don’t mean to be too self deprecating. I think I can make a film, but never having done this I am extremely intimidated.
I met with Peter and we talked about what he and his board wanted the project to look like. They are expecting a commercial for the LAM Project. I wanted to shoot a true documentary with a narrative structure and story arc. I think we found a way to meet in the middle. The next step was again to present this to the board.
Again the board approved. Peter asked me to write up a list of terms and conditions. I had never done anything like this. I wrote up something to the best of my ability. One of the terms was my payment. I thought that they might balk at the cost of shooting a short film and I could be at rest again. But that wasn’t the case. They approved everything hands down.
Fortunately I had started getting things together from the very beginning. I contacted Jesse Marshall, a friend and former co-worker. I knew that he had a very good digital video camera and knowledge of independent film making. He had done some work with a group of guys in Texas. Mostly guerilla horror stuff, but I knew his experience would be of great value. He said that he would love to help out.
I researched audio equipment and editing software. Those are things that I have never had to consider before. My dreams of film making had never advanced to that point before. Jesse had also attended Vincennes University and studied in an Audio related field. Again, he was a big help.
My first meeting with anyone other than Peter was nerve wrecking. I adjusted my lunch schedule so that I could meet this man. His name is Mike. He sits on the LAM board of managers. Right off the bat Peter was late. I was on a tight schedule and I didn’t have time to dilly dally around. Once Mike was reached he took me back to a unusually large conference room. It was decorated as if it was a corner office in a New York office building in the 50’s. Mike was short in stature but large in presence. He is an older gentleman with white hair and a hand shake like a vice. His voice booms with resonance and condescending comments. He made it very clear that this meeting never made it on to his calendar. This made me very aware that my film project was not a priority for him.
We sat in squeaky, leather chairs. There was no introduction. He opened with “Have you ever done this before?” That was a question, but it felt like an indictment. I explained that I had never made anything for anyone, but that I had done some short things for myself. That is more of a stretch than a flat out lie. He asked “like what?” I told him that I had done some stop motion animation. Without any hesitation or real interest he asked “What’s that”? I told him it was how cartoon are made. He looked at me with eyes that said “what the hell is a grown man doing making cartoons”. When I tried to exclaim that I used figures instead of drawings his eyes changed to “You play with dolls?”
I wanted to throw up. This gruff country fella was checking out a big city folk and breaking me down. I got him off the topic of me by talking about Andy Griffith. Thank God I was able to connect with him over something. But it didn’t last long. He soon changed the subject into what my ideas for the movie were. I began explaining about how I wanted the narrative structure to be created organically and how I didn’t want the movie to look like a commercial. He again said, without hesitation “I have no idea what you are talking about”. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I was going to talk to this guy. He thought I was a fairy and I didn’t know how to get him on my side, or even get him to understand what I was saying.
Fortunately at that moment Peter walked in. He was 30 Minutes late. I waited in the lobby for 20 minutes. That meant that I had only been talking with Mike for 10 minutes. It felt like hours. Peter quickly took over the conversation. I began to see that Peter took the same abuse from Mike, except Peter knew how to deal with it.
Peter is a thin and quite guy. He is soft spoken but he knows what he wants. Peter was able to shed off the directness of Mike’s line of questioning and now I had someone to play off of. From this point on the meeting went much smoother. Mike only stuck around another 5 minutes. He seems to have faith in Peter, or at least he was done wasting his time with a couple of fancy smancy dorks.
The meeting with Peter resulted in a contract that needed signed and we were ready to go. Peter told me that Saturday one of the program’s success stories was going to be in town. The purpose of this visit was to go to the jail and speak to the inmates that are currently in the program. Peter wanted me to show up and shoot this speech and discussion. The butterflies fired up all over again. I contacted Jesse and he was down to shoot.
So it looks like this is really going to happen. I am scared to death. My first real project is a paying one with expectations and deadlines. I looked on line for other videos like what the LAM Board wants. The videos I saw look very professionally made. I studied them for hours in the past few days.
I was intimated at first, but now I feel a little better. I think that I have a better understanding of the medium. I will feel better once we get some footage recorded and I can see what I am getting us all into. Until then I will attempt to suppress the anxiety as best I can.
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